


I Don't Need To Know

by melonprins



Series: bomb diffuser [1]
Category: Original Work
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Angst, Implied/Referenced Break Up, M/M, Post-Break Up, Self-Hatred
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-28
Updated: 2017-09-28
Packaged: 2019-01-06 13:48:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 434
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12212532
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/melonprins/pseuds/melonprins
Summary: His grip on the neck of the bottle had loosened, and it was halfway on the floor anyways. Alec let it drop, and then he didn’t know where it went. Maybe it was nothing now, too. His eyes dropped, half lidded, staring at the ceiling, unfocused. Everything was unfocused.Alec’s lips trembled and he bit them. He hadn’t sunken that low yet. He wanted to laugh at himself. He wanted to say;so, this is what we’ve become.–Post-Breakup Alec reflecting on things.





	I Don't Need To Know

**Author's Note:**

> y'all ,, im emotional about my son aight ,,, listen to Where's My Love by SYML while reading this. the title is from that song–

Hollow.

That was–.

That was what he felt: hollow. A big nothing in his chest. The bed under him should’ve been soft, the room should’ve been cold, Elliot should’ve been home, he should’ve been dead.

His grip on the neck of the bottle had loosened, and it was halfway on the floor anyways. Alec let it drop, and then he didn’t know where it went. Maybe it was nothing now, too. His eyes dropped, half lidded, staring at the ceiling, unfocused. Everything was unfocused.

Mich–.

_He_ hadn’t called. He hadn’t visited, or said anything, or called, he hadn’t–.

Alec’s lips trembled and he bit them. He hadn’t sunken that low yet. He wanted to laugh at himself. He wanted to say; _so, this is what we’ve become._

Pathetic. How a man could reduce him to something like this: drunk, limp, _mourning_ at five am. Alec wanted to laugh, but all that came out was a small hiccup, and then he closed his mouth, sealed his lips tightly. He locked away every part of himself, shoved everything into a box and then folded it over and over until he couldn’t feel it, couldn’t feel the growing knot in his gut and not the tightening in his throat.

Alec’s hands buzzed, but his phone was buried in the couch cushions, so it had to be the numbness settling in. His wrists tingled and his palms were empty.

Alec closed his eyes. He didn’t need gentle treatment. He didn’t need soft touches, hesitant hands and lips and eyes that looked at him softly and–.

The raw emotion choked him, and he tilted his head back, clenched his jaw.

There were too many jagged parts of him to not worry about doing harm. This was the only way. He was the one with the plans, with the logic. Alec did what was necessary, it was _what he did._

Alec closed his eyes, struggled to breathe through the tiny hole that was left of his windpipe, underneath the crushing weight of hands around his lungs. There were so many holes in him, so many land-mines buried under Alec’s skin, so many tripwires and traps and _so much poison he was choking on it._

Alec didn’t want _Michael_ choking on it too. He didn’t deserve that. He deserved someone soft and kind and someone not filled with shrapnel and oil and matches waiting to be lit. Alec’s lips curled, twisted until his face scrunched up, and then he turned on to his side and pressed a pillow over his head so he didn’t have to watch the ceiling become blurrier.

**Author's Note:**

> _like and subscribe for more let's plays–_


End file.
